Feathers 'n' Fur

Ok, I decided it was time to start anew.

http://windyote.livejournal.com

Add meh!

Without even knowing it, I had borrowed the Raven's mask and wings. But I have no need for them now. I can fly on my own...I can face the world on my own. I have found my drive...my strength...my passion.

I found...me.

I had a dream last night (this morning?). The sky was blood red, and the sun was setting fast in the west. A stag walked up beside me from behind, and we both watched a flock of large, dark-colored birds fly off towards the sun. I asked him where they were going.

"Chasing the daylight," he said. "Aren't you going, too?"
"Are you?" I asked.
He said, "I'm already there," and vanished.

Westward, ho? Lol...

I think I'm going to start blogging more, and I'm sure most of it will be really random-sounding thoughts and crap like this. I keep things inside too much...and well, there's only so much room. Now to decide if I make it mostly public or friends-only. Or if I should just start with a new journal altogether...this one has a lot of memories...many things I'd like to forget.

Amazing how three of the smallest words in the English language can be so...huge. A simple question with a not-so-simple answer. It's like asking for a dictionary definition for [insert name here]. How many people can write a dictionary definition for an apple, let alone their identity?

I tossed that idea around in my head for a bit, and came up with nothing, so I decided to do some Googling. I did a search for "define who you are". The results amused me. Everything from "Does your relationship status define you?", to "Does being Canadian define who you are?", even "Which celebrity would you sleep with to define who you are?" haha! The list was endless (and mostly absurd).

So I asked myself, "What DOES define us as individuals?" Is it our role as a child, a parent, a spouse, a salesperson, a business owner...? Is it by the people and groups we associate with? Our coworkers, graduating class, employer, significant other, offspring...? Is it what we believe? Religion, philosophical leanings, politics, social issues...? Is it our accomplishments and/or failures? If we are single, divorced, a millionaire, retired, bankrupt...? Or is it some backwards philosophical mumbo-jumbo that most ordinary people cannot begin to comprehend?

This is about where I pictured a bunch of "emo" kids whining about labels. Hehe...

As easy as it is to sit and look at all of those examples and say that, no, those are not what defines me, I can't help but wonder if I have, at some point, allowed them to anyways. Actually, I'm sure I have, and I'm sure everyone does at some point in their life. You hear people talk especially about failures. "I'm such a failure." So easy to let ourselves believe that. But failing at something doesn't make someone a failure. Painting a picture does not make someone an artist. An artist makes a decision to paint, just as a person makes a decision to do something a certain way, and either it succeeds or it fails. It's up to them to then decide how to deal with the resulting consequences. I think failure is defined and experienced differently for each person. Where one person sees an impassable mountain, another sees a tiny bump in the road. I've met people who've lost everything, but come back even better and stronger. I've also met a few who seemed to sail through life with ease, and adversity never seemed to knock on their door. However, in some cases I discovered that it actually did. But instead of seeing it as failure, they used it as an opportunity to learn, rather than sitting around feeling sorry for themselves.

But then I have to stop and think again. What about those people who really do have little in the way of obstacles? It's rare, but I believe it does happen. I once heard someone say, "Fail often so you can succeed sooner." Perhaps those few people who really do sail through life actually do so because they avoid the things they believe they will fail at. How much more could they have accomplished if they had been willing to fail just a little more often?

I think I can apply this idea to my own life. Looking back on my short 23 years, I really can't think of very many "failures". Oh sure, there's a few here and there, but for the most part, I wouldn't consider my life as a whole a "failure"...not even close. But maybe that's because I've played it safe. Especially since highschool. I can think of many many opportunities that I could have taken--no, that I should have taken--but didn't, and likely in part, due to fear of failure. You can't fail if you have no goals to begin with, right?

I've stayed in the nest long enough. It's time to learn how to fly.

I'm going to see my counseler (too lazy to look up the correct spelling) today, and I was supposed to write something about "who I am" over the last 2 weeks. I keep trying, but I have yet to put down a single word, lol. But that's me...always avoiding homework, haha! I was also supposed to go to Sinclair and take some vocation assessment thingy...didn't really get to that either. Oh and look into finally getting my license...

-.-;

I fail at this whole "self-help" thing. Lol.


In other news, I want it to be freaking October already so I can go back to San Diego and then meet some WoW peeps IRL. I taught myself how to play "Lament of the Highborne" on my ocarina. I'll probably get bored and try to attract a lil attention with it at some point during the con. As much as I prefer to be behind the scenes for most things, sometimes I just gotta be the center of attention. I suppose that's why I loved tanking on my druid so much. But as the guild's only enhancement shaman, I am pretty much guaranteed a raid spot most nights, esp. being the best geared on alliance, hehe. Now if only we could pick up on our sunwell progression...Shai got Eredar Twins last night, which means they are on... O.o Mu'ru... Finally some Duskwood progression! But if things keep failing as much as they have lately, and we don't get Brutallis down before the expansion is nearly out, I may just transfer to a Mu'ru guild and get my T6.5 and a few other pieces before starting a Deathknight.

We'll see!

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"Sorry! an unexpected error has occurred! This error has been forwarded to MySpace's technical group"

...that make me come back and hug livejournal.

GRRR!

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:::LAYER ONE::: ON THE OUTSIDE

Name: Laura
Birthday: July 24
Current Location: Oh-hai-yoh!
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Leo, rawr.

:::LAYER TWO::: ON THE INSIDE

Your fears: Death by falling from a high place, large spiders, and hypodermic needles.
Your perfect pizza: Meat lovers.
Goal for future: Ummm...finish my degree and get a job in the design field.

:::LAYER THREE::: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW:

Your thoughts first waking up: "Ungh, I think I caught that bug that's going around."
Your best physical features: Muh dubbadeez, baby. ;D
Your bedtime: generally 1:30, just after Fullmetal Alchemist is over.
Your most missed memory: Smooches. D:


:::LAYER FOUR::: YOUR PICK:

Pepsi or Coke: Neither. I'll take tea.
McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds, for their fries.
Single or group dates: Either.
Adidas or Nike: Why would I care?
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Tazo is so much better.
Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino with a lil Bailey's

:::LAYER FIVE::: DO YOU?

Smoke: no
Drink: on rare occasions

:::LAYER SIX::: IN THE PAST MONTH

Gone to the mall: no
Been on stage: no
Eaten Sushi: no
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: no
Dyed your hair: no

(Wow I'm boring...)

:::LAYER SEVEN::: HAVE YOU EVER:

Gotten beaten up: nope

:::LAYER EIGHT:::
Age you are hoping to get married: o_O; no later than 30...please...oh please, God...

:::LAYER NINE::: IN A GIRL/GUY

Best eye color: brown or green
Best hair color: I prefer darker shades
Best clothing: Um...none? Hehe! ^_^;

:::LAYER TEN::: WHAT WERE YOU DOING:

1 MINUTE AGO: Typing my name, birthday, location....
1 HOUR AGO: Eating clam chowder. Yum!
1 DAY AGO: Closing up the Connection Center
1 YEAR AGO: Probably chilling with Aaron. Ah, those were the days. But oy, was I a lazy slob.

:::LAYER ELEVEN::: FINISH THE SENTENCE:

I LOVE: Jesus...and my family and friends...and Aaron.
I FEEL: really nervous about tomorrow...
I HATE: being left.
I HIDE: my inner demons.
I MISS: the way things used to be.
I NEED: to feel wanted.
I WANT: ...what does it matter what I want. Not like I'll get what I want anyways.

Repost as: "11 layers of [Your Name Here]"

I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Mage Bard


Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.


Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.


Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.


Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.


Deity:



Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Had another strange dream last night. Actually, this may be a series of dreams that have nothing to do with each other, but they all seemed to flow together. Anyhoo, I thought I'd write it down before I forgot.

-------------------

I was on a huge black ship. Everything looked as though it had once been coated with pitch. Not sure how I got there, but I was heading for home. Everything had a dark look to it, even the people. The waters we sailed were a swirling sea of pitch. I spoke with the captain, asking how we would get home in such darkness. Only the moon shone any light, and the stars had all but disappeared. He told me of a raven that had guided him home on his last voyage, and he believed it would come again. He had put two shiney objects on opposite ends of the ship. If the raven took the one on the bow, he would go right. If it took the one on the stern, he would turn left. If it took both, we were headed in the right direction.

I stood out on the deck with another girl, and sure enough, a raven landed on the railing on the starboard bow. The other girl decided he looked friendly, but a snap of it's beak cleared that up. It looked at me, then looked up behind me. Two other ravens sat there, each with one of the objects in it's mouth. One looked like a chain smeared with pitch, the other a sort of bell, also smeared with pitch. The captain saw this, and we kept on in the same direction. Sure enough, we eventually made it home.

The next morning, I went out for a walk. It was just before sun up, and the sky was red, pink, and orange. I noticed a great flock of birds in the sky. I don't remember all of them, but there was a huge seagull/albatross, a brilliant golden eagle, a raven or two, and some other smaller song birds. But then another bird appeared: a great bald eagle. It screamed to the birds, a warning of sorts I suppose. But the other birds ignored it, flocking together. So the eagle flew up high into the sky, and swooped down on the other birds, chasing them towards the southeast. But I looked again, and there was a great hand in the sky, propelling the eagle. It reached out like an eagle's claw, and seemed to want to snatch up the other birds. It chased them to the horizon, and they were gone, all but the bald eagle.

And suddenly, there was a great celebration in the land. Fireworks began to go off all around me, and the people came out of their homes dancing and singing in the streets. They celebrated until nightfall.

I found myself walking home that evening around sundown for quite a ways. I was with the girl from the ship again. We wandered past a house with a large fenced in front yard. There were several cats, but two stood out to me. They both had large eyes, with an extreme v-shaped slant. One was pure white, with brilliant emerald eyes, the other a black and brown sort of tabby, with deep orange eyes. The white one just stared, but the dark one glared at me, almost with a sneer. I don't know why, but I suddenly stopped and hissed loudly at it. The white one flinched, and looked at the dark one. The dark cat squinted and gave a low hiss in reply. I backed away, finally turning when a good distance away, and walked quickly home. The girl with me offered to let me stay over, and since her house was closer, I gladly obliged. I knew we were being followed.

GAH! I don't remember the rest!!! X____x Urg, this is what I was trying to avoid by writing it now. :(

*shrug* Oh well.
----------------
OH! I remember! We got to her house, and the dark cat followed us, who was then followed by the white cat. The dark cat was stalking me, but I spotted it in the rafters in the living room (the ceiling was pointed, but there were beams crossing the tops of the walls for added support). Somehow, we got into a fight. o_O It was like I was some kind of dog or cat or something. Anyhoo, I guess I won somehow, and it rushed out the door. Then the white cat came from somewhere to the right, and sat in front of the door. It looked at me with this sort of...apologetic expression. Then it meandered out the door. O_o T'was quite wierd. I don't remember any other details. *shrug*

Anyhoo. Laterz.